In America we eat man semen.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
