i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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