happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
