Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
that may or may not have been my penis.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
