That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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