saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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