Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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