living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
