Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
