Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
