I wish I could teleport
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I am midnight drunk by noon
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
