If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
