yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
