You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
