Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
