I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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