question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We are all done wearing pants today
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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