I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
