you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
