I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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