college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
