shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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