if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
