no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
