they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
