How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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