I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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