your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
