and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Randomize
