yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
