i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Dear god my vagina.
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