my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
