I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
