my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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