Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
