a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
