If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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