I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the condom got lost in my hair
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
