is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
