I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
