I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
