thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
