I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
