worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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