I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
