And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
