are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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