Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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