You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
