Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
