No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
