i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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