Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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