the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
