why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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