I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
