I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
